Guernica

I just wanted to say thank you. There were lots of people that cheered me up. Yesterday I felt like shit and tried to be amusing and sarcastic about it, but truly I have existential angst about my lack of purpose and meaning. Its unfortunate that I feel this way about one of my first jobs out of college, but its not unusual or surprising, now is it? I think most are pointless and painful. I wish I could just relax and glide through life on a meaningless cloud and be happy. “One Crazy Summer”- the happy fuzzy bunny people. I’m just not that kind of girl. What does it mean? Where is it going? Why am I so insignificant? I think people invented religion to deal with these types of questions. Unfortunately I gave up on organized religion a while ago. Then people invented pharmaceuticals to deal. Must find other crutches…

There are great things in life, despite life’s sometimes tawdry and miserable nature. I think that’s why I love art. It elevates the mundane. You feel closer to the sublime, which liberates you from your tedious life. Isn’t that what I fear most? Monotony? Being bogged down by the ordinary, the routine, the commonplace? Everyone wants to be unique, original, special. But isn’t that the joy of being (that you are)? The human heart has such depths that surface at the most unexpected times. And if you really believe in people, you have to believe that everyone has capacity for all things. Its pretty miraculous. Pretty frightening. But despite this unfathomable uncertainty, we love. Against all reason and purpose. If you can love others unselfishly and let yourself be loved, you don’t really need anything else. Even if you have the most dreadful job. It what you do. Its not who you are.

Enough. Before I get all Dali Lama on your ass. I am going to go home, drink something alcoholic, and listen to my new U2 cd. As per the norm, Bono has reinvigorated my reasons for living.

My dad says… there is always something to look at, laugh with, and see through. I think that’s enough. Its sustenance. For now. For always.


Seriously, buy the new U2 cd.
“The more you know the less you feel
Some pray for others steal
Blessings are not just for the ones who kneel…luckily”


thanks ross